If someone you care about tells you they have been sexually assaulted, it can be hard to know what to say or do. The most important thing is to listen without judgement, believe them, and let them know that what happened was not their fault.
Sexual assault can happen to anyone regardless of gender, sexual orientation, disability, culture, or age. Everyone responds differently: some people may cry, feel numb, laugh, become angry, minimise what happened, or not want to talk about it at all. All of these reactions are valid.
Think
- Are they in immediate danger? If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured, call 999 (or 112 from a mobile).
- If you are on campus, contact Campus Safety on 01483 68 3333 to let them know the emergency services are on their way and give details of the individual’s location.
- Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened, try and help them reach a space they feel safe in. If they are on campus and this isn’t possible, suggest they call Campus Safety on 01483 68 3333.
Sexual assault is a crime of power and control: the most important thing is to respond in a way that maximises their choice and control over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options but avoid telling them what they should do.
Talk
- Do listen and believe: Let them speak in their own words.
- Do give options, not instructions: Ask if they would like to hear about different forms of support (e.g. medical help, ISVA, reporting routes). Respect their choices.
- Do respect confidentiality: Only share what they’ve told you if they’ve given permission, unless you believe there is an immediate safeguarding risk.
- Don’t ask for unnecessary details or question their actions (e.g. “Why were you there?” “Had you been drinking?”). These are often harmful and rooted in rape myths.
- Don’t pressure them to report: Reporting is always their decision.
Rape myths to challenge
Some harmful myths can stop survivors seeking help. Remember:
- “Only women are assaulted”: Sexual assault can happen to anyone, including men and LGBT+ people.
- “If they didn’t fight back, it wasn’t assault”: Freezing, friending or complying are common trauma responses. Lack of resistance does not mean consent.
- “They must have led someone on”: Sexual assault is always the responsibility of the person who caused harm, never the survivor.
Report
- Report + Support: Staff and students can make a report using the University’s Report + Support system. You can report anonymously or request contact from a member of staff for support.
- Report a Wellbeing Concern: If you are worried about a student’s safety or wellbeing, you can complete this form. It can be submitted by students, staff, friends or family.
- Police/SARC: they may choose to report to the police or go to a Sexual Assault Referral Centre.
Get support
Supporting someone who has disclosed sexual assault can feel overwhelming. You do not have to manage it alone, and there are specialist services that can support you as well as the survivor.
- Rape Crisis England & Wales: Provides support not only for survivors, but also for friends, family members, and partners of people affected by sexual violence. You can talk through your feelings and learn how best to support your loved one.
- RASASC Guildford: Offers a helpline and counselling for anyone supporting a survivor in Surrey.
- Sexual Violence Liaison Officers (SVLO) SVLOs are specially trained staff who can provide confidential support and who can provide advice and guidance to students who have received a disclosure from a peer.
Take care of yourself
Hearing a disclosure of sexual assault can be distressing. It’s important to look after your own wellbeing too.
- Students: you can access confidential support through the University’s Centre for Wellbeing.
- Staff: the Employee Assistance Programme (BHSF RISE) offers free, 24/7 support from trained professionals, as well as guidance on mental health, financial, and legal issues.
- All: consider taking breaks, and giving yourself time to process what you’ve heard.